Suddenly I See: Personal

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Something to remember...for always

Took a walk last night. Looked at the stars and the quietness of the night and I thought of how beautiful and perfect everything is and that I love you. -RS-

To Pandi, Chan chan and Kak Nadia

Guess what I found in my wallet today ?

Sugarcubes and a note by you guys from before.

It made me smile and the world seems like a better place now.

It's nice to know someone cares.

*hugs*

Sometimes I think you know me inside out.

Everything about me, everything that is me, you know.

But sometimes I think you don't know anything about me.

Sometimes you don't understand how much it matters to me.

Sometimes you act as though you don't know how much you mean to me.

Words. Simple words. It hurts.

Don't you get it ? Don't you understand ?

Those words completely robbed me of everything that I thought to be real.

Everything I thought you knew to be real.

It invalidated everything . Everything I have ever said, or done , or felt.

Every conversation. Every memory. Everything.

Because when you doubt me, I doubt myself.

Don't you get it ? Why don't you understand ?

...Why can't I make you understand?...why can't I make you believe?...

I feel so inadequate.

Sometimes I wish

Sometimes I wish..

That I was someone else,

Some one taller maybe,

Smarter and intelligent perhaps,

Prettier and elegant definitely.

Sometimes I wish..

That I was someone else,

Someone "normal",

living an "ordinary" life,

with plain dreams and a mundane lifestyle,

Nothing different, blending in the crowd,

Just "normal" and "ordinary".

Sometimes I wish,

That I was someone else,

Someone she could be proud of,

Someone she isn't embarassed about,

Someone she could love,

But no, I am none of those.

Sometimes I wish,

I would stop thinking of the past ,

of seconds and minutes and days and months,

filled with beautiful conversations ,

of smiles, and laughter, and promises, ahh yes, promises.

Sometimes I wish,

I could change the past,

Take away the hurt,

Take away the pain,

But I can't , and the present is still present.

Sometimes I wish,

That wishes come true,

But alas, they don't,

I am still me.

And you are still you.

Best moment of my life

At 5.41 pm on 9th February 2009 I became the happiest person in the world !!!!!!! *virtual jumps because I can't jump in real life *

Emotional Rollercoster

Feeling used,abused and thrown away. Dramatic ? Maybe.

But thats how I feel like these past few days.

Suddenly I See

Something to remember...for always

To Pandi, Chan chan and Kak Nadia

Sometimes I wish

Best moment of my life

Emotional Rollercoster

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